I guess sometimes you have to be honest to yourself. You have to ask why you are doing certain things and if you understand yourself completely when you do those things. So well this is not compositions (to my non-existent readers)
Well for one why do I write this blog? One generally supposes that blogs are mean to share thoughts with other people and given the traffic to my blog the only one sharing my thought is me and that's really not a lot of sharing going on is it? Of course I vaguely remember trying to search for an easy but permanent repository of my compositions and when I learnt of blogs (Hey I am young!) I thought "Hey, that's the best way to do it." I won't deny that I harboured some vague notion of becoming a popular and well read blogger (well I am yet to find a writer/poet who thinks that his/her compositions are not good ) but well my main objective was still to use this a repository of my thoughts, in fact I often read up my old works and try and think what the hell was I thinking when I wrote those!
So far my dreams of popular blogging haven't seen any light yet but then I guess I am too proud (egoistic/narcissistic) to even try anything to make that happen. I guess there's stuff that you can do to make your blog more popular - leave comments on other equally desolate blogs and ask them to leave comments on your own - mutual back scratching or something similar. Of course there are other oblique ways, I could join forums for budding poets and writers and try an see how the people there react to my compositions. But well I have not done anything to that effect yet.
Which brings me to the moot point, am I afraid of criticism? I have asked that question many times and more often than not my behavior says well yes, I am. Unfortunately that does not seem to bode well for my career as a PhD student. As far as I can see the best way to improve in academic circles (and I guess most other places) is to jump in the fire, burn a bit an d come out a whole lot wiser. Seems like I am the kind of person who stares a t the fire a whole let, sitting on the edge but never jumping into it. Okay enough of that extended analogy, anyway analogies stop making sense after sometime. So the question I guess is how do I deal with it. The fact that I wrote this whole thing down in a public blog readable by anybody - I wonder If I understand myself at all ?
Anyway some events in the near past have made me realize that while all this dilettante-ism is all very good but if I want to express myself properly I need some sort of training, formal or otherwise to make myself heard clearly, perhaps even to myself. So there that's said.
A concluding thought. I write these things in a blog that nobody (or maybe a thousands of people who read but never post comments) reads and it seems that this is an ongoing dialogue with myself - some sort self motivated and self generated catechism. I wonder what that means.
Well for one why do I write this blog? One generally supposes that blogs are mean to share thoughts with other people and given the traffic to my blog the only one sharing my thought is me and that's really not a lot of sharing going on is it? Of course I vaguely remember trying to search for an easy but permanent repository of my compositions and when I learnt of blogs (Hey I am young!) I thought "Hey, that's the best way to do it." I won't deny that I harboured some vague notion of becoming a popular and well read blogger (well I am yet to find a writer/poet who thinks that his/her compositions are not good ) but well my main objective was still to use this a repository of my thoughts, in fact I often read up my old works and try and think what the hell was I thinking when I wrote those!
So far my dreams of popular blogging haven't seen any light yet but then I guess I am too proud (egoistic/narcissistic) to even try anything to make that happen. I guess there's stuff that you can do to make your blog more popular - leave comments on other equally desolate blogs and ask them to leave comments on your own - mutual back scratching or something similar. Of course there are other oblique ways, I could join forums for budding poets and writers and try an see how the people there react to my compositions. But well I have not done anything to that effect yet.
Which brings me to the moot point, am I afraid of criticism? I have asked that question many times and more often than not my behavior says well yes, I am. Unfortunately that does not seem to bode well for my career as a PhD student. As far as I can see the best way to improve in academic circles (and I guess most other places) is to jump in the fire, burn a bit an d come out a whole lot wiser. Seems like I am the kind of person who stares a t the fire a whole let, sitting on the edge but never jumping into it. Okay enough of that extended analogy, anyway analogies stop making sense after sometime. So the question I guess is how do I deal with it. The fact that I wrote this whole thing down in a public blog readable by anybody - I wonder If I understand myself at all ?
Anyway some events in the near past have made me realize that while all this dilettante-ism is all very good but if I want to express myself properly I need some sort of training, formal or otherwise to make myself heard clearly, perhaps even to myself. So there that's said.
A concluding thought. I write these things in a blog that nobody (or maybe a thousands of people who read but never post comments) reads and it seems that this is an ongoing dialogue with myself - some sort self motivated and self generated catechism. I wonder what that means.
1 comment:
or maybe a thousands of people...
That maybe is the answer... maybe.
I liked the analogy.
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